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Finding Safety on the Home Front, Step Two

Posted on January 4, 2012 by sheryl

When you are ready to begin your healing journey, and have made the decision to heal, the next important step is to find a way to feel safe.  Today, I’ll talk about different types of safety and what that will mean to you as you move forward toward health.

Physical Safety.  This is about a confidence that your body and physical surrounding are safe.  If your trauma is from a war experience, and you are no longer in combat, physical safety is connected to always bringing yourself into the present, where there aren’t explosions going on around you and there are imminent calls to action.

Mental Safety. This means that you are able to choose belief systems and patterns of thinking and awareness that get you where you want to need to go.  At the beginning of your healing journey, this will consist in finding a person or place you can connect with that has resources and knowledge about your challenges and where you will be able to allow the lost memories to take form without judgment or pressure.  Sometimes, for veterans, this will involve a civilian counselor, someone who may have been a vet, but is no longer in your chain of command and who is not obligated or allowed to disclose any of your memories,

Emotional Safety.  When you are emotionally safe, you are able to identify how you feel in situations, rely on your own intuition and be able to share with others honestly what you do feel.  Often this emotional safety will be found with a trained professional who understands your struggle to talk about your trauma, holds no judgment about your or your stories, and is able to allow you to reveal to others and to yourself only what is right for you to reveal in any given moment.

Spiritual Safety.  If you have had a spiritual practice, your trauma may challenge those beliefs.  Finding spiritual safety is finding a way to examine those beliefs without judgment or pressure to “keep the faith” or any suggestion that you “drop your faith”.  Healing is also your soul’s journey and it is important to allow that spiritual part of you to recover as well.

When you create a canopy of safety, you will be able to heal in your own time, in your own way.

Posted in Military/Veterans, PTSD, Trauma | Leave a comment

Finding Safety after the Disaster, Step Two

Posted on January 3, 2012 by sheryl

When you are ready to begin your healing journey, and have made the decision to heal, the next important step is to find a way to feel safe.  Today, I’ll talk about different types of safety and what that will mean to you as you move forward toward health.

Physical Safety.  This is about a confidence that your body and physical surrounding are safe.  If your trauma is from a natural disaster, getting your shelter and food needs cared for is important, as is confidence that the tornado, earthquake, or flooding is over.  If your trauma is from an accident, you may not be able to be in that situation safely for a while.  So driving, diving, flying, or whatever situation was part of your trauma might not be in your own best interests.  True, if you feel strong, feel stable, “getting right back on that horse” might be a good choice, but only when you feel strong.

Mental Safety.   At the beginning of your healing journey, this will consist in finding a person or place you can connect with that has resources and knowledge about your challenges and where you will be able to allow the memories to take form without judgment or pressure.

Emotional Safety.  When you are emotionally safe, you are able to identify how you feel in situations, rely on your own intuition and be able to share with others honestly what you do feel.  Often this emotional safety will be found with a trained professional who understands your struggle to talk about your trauma, holds no judgment about your or your stories, and is able to allow you to reveal to others and to yourself only what is right for you to reveal in any given moment.  Those who love you, but don’t understand the process of healing from Post Traumatic Stress may not be prepared to allow you to heal in your own time.  Remember that they do love you and have your best interests in mind, but are just not prepared or qualified to provide the emotional safety you need as you begin your journey.

Spiritual Safety.  If you have had a spiritual practice, your trauma may challenge those beliefs.  Finding spiritual safety is finding a way to examine those beliefs without judgment or pressure to “keep the faith” or any suggestion that you “drop your faith”.  Healing is also your soul’s journey and it is important to allow that spiritual part of you to recover as well.

When you create a canopy of safety, you will be able to heal in your own time, in your own way.

 

Posted in Accidents, Natural Disaster, PTSD, Trauma | Leave a comment

Finding Safety after the Rape, Step One

Posted on January 2, 2012 by sheryl

When you are ready to begin your healing journey, and have made the decision to heal, the next important step is to find a way to feel safe.  With other types of trauma, finding safety is step two, after setting your intention to heal.  However, in this situation, where the threat may be ongoing, finding safety if first.

Physical Safety.  This is about a confidence that your body and physical surrounding are safe. If your trauma is from recent sexual abuse, you may have to find your way to a safe house or a way to protect your home from invasion.  While this may be possible logistically, it may be a long hurdle for you to feel safe in an environment where you were attacked.  In this case, it may be useful to change your location, your support people, your daily patterns and your activities.

Mental Safety.  At the beginning of your healing journey, this will consist in finding a person or place you can connect with that has resources and knowledge about your challenges and where you will be able to allow the lost memories to take form without judgment or pressure.

Emotional Safety.  When you are emotionally safe, you are able to identify how you feel in situations, rely on your own intuition and be able to share with others honestly what you do feel.  After the rape, it may be difficult to rely on your own intuition which seems to have failed you, but you can find a way to share honestly what you do feel.  Often this emotional safety will be found with a trained professional who understands your struggle, holds no judgment about your or your stories, and is able to allow you to reveal to others and to yourself only what is right for you to reveal in any given moment.  Many people post-rape swirl into self-blame and guilt about somehow creating the attack by their presence in a specific place, their dress, or even believing the blaming words of their attacker.  Finding a safe place to talk about the attack will be important.

Spiritual Safety.  If you have had a spiritual practice, your trauma will challenge those beliefs.  Finding spiritual safety is finding a way to examine those beliefs without judgment or pressure to “keep the faith” or any suggestion that you “drop your faith”.  Healing is also your soul’s journey and it is important to allow that spiritual part of you to recover as well.

When you create a canopy of safety, you will be able to heal in your own time, in your own way.

Posted in PTSD, Sexual Assault, Trauma | 1 Comment

Friendly Friday

Posted on December 23, 2011 by sheryl

There are many survivors of trauma, and you can be one of us.

This Journey can be so tough.

But you are tougher!

You have the strength within to make it through this,

even if you don’t feel strong this moment.

We believe in you.


To your healing, your way, in your own time.

Posted in Accidents, Cancer, Childhood Abuse, Just Stuck, Military/Veterans, PTSD, Trauma | Leave a comment

Treatment Ideas from 9/11

Posted on December 22, 2011 by sheryl

As you begin to design your own healing path, please underline like this:

 My perfect-for-me Healing Path

What works for one person may not work for you.  What the profesionals declare is the preferred path may not be right for you.  Here’s some information to support your in your private journey:

Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk is a leading neuroscientist in the study of the effect of trauma on the brain.  He is the founder of the Trauma Center in Boston and helped write the definition of PTSD for the DSM (the clinician’s bible for diagnosing psychological disorders).  He consulted with a team of professionals following 9/11 regarding the choice of psychological services that could be provided.  Against his advise, the other experts chose Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, a system that looks at your beliefs about an event in your life, and challenges those beliefs by helping develop beliefs that support the life you had before (See Belief Shattering from Cancer, Accidents, Rape).

While less people that expected took advantage of the psychological services offered, Dr. Van der Kolk’s team interviewed people who recovered on their own without the help of “psychotherapy professionals”, asking them what treatments they used that were most effective.  Here are the results of his inquiries:

  1. The number one mentioned service was acupuncture.  While acupuncture hasn’t been clinically studied as a PTSD treatment, Emotional Freedom Technique has been, and this technique is based on tapping specific acupunture meridians in a specific pattern to support the reseting of the brain responses.  EFT is a recommended treatment by the Figley Institute to help reduce the post-trauma panic and fear responses.
  2. The number two mentioned service was massage.  While this, too has not been clinically studied, the assumption is that the nurturing and safe space provided by a licensed therapist helps the patient relax, come into their body and into the moment and experience safety and relaxation which supports the body and brain to heal.
  3. The number three mentioned service was yoga.  There have been some studies of the effect of yoga on trauma recovery.  I can’t report on them here, as I haven’t seen them myself as yet.  However, there is enough support, that at the Trauma Center, headed by Dr. Bessel Van der Kolk, there is a full yoga program and it is part of the recovery process provided to patients.
  4. The number four mentioned service was EMDR.  This is a rapid eye movement similar to that experienced during dreaming that helps re-integrate separate areas of the brain.  EMDR is one of the treatments recommended by the Figley Institute and a leading authority in the treatment of trauma, especially trauma from natural disasters.

Here’s to YOUR own healing journey, in your time, in your way.

Posted in Accidents, Cancer, Natural Disaster, PTSD, Sexual Assault, Trauma | Leave a comment

Are These Memories Real?

Posted on December 21, 2011 by sheryl

One challenge for people who suffer trauma is to figure out if a newly recovered memory is real.  This is especially true where the memory was wrapped up in a trauma membrane (click here for more info on the trauma membrane),

Today, I’m giving you a list of questions to ask yourself to test some of them out.  (These are adapted from Elizabeth Adams material, Understanding the Trauma of Childhood Psycho-Sexual Abuse available at amazon.com).

  1. Does your intuition tell you that what you remember is or was real, no matter how hard you try to disbelieve it?
  2. Does the memory keep returning, even after you try to forget it?
  3. Does the memory “fit” with your habits, fears, behaviors, symptoms, health problems, or the facts of your life as you know them?
  4. Are certain aspects of the event cloudy?
  5. Does the memory come in fragments?
  6. Do you get more or less distressed when you think or talk about your memory?

Don’t worry if the memories you recover are fragmented and make little sense for now.  What matters in your journey is that you continue to use your deepest courage, continue to look in the dark corners of your past, and tenderly and respectfully allow the stories to be told, then allowing yourself to put your own life back together with full knowledge and power of who you are today and who you are becoming as a result of your courage and your ability to survive.

You can do this, your are a survivor.  To your healing, in your own time, in your own way.

Posted in Childhood Abuse, PTSD, Sexual Assault, Trauma | Leave a comment

Your Shattered Post-Accident World

Posted on December 20, 2011 by sheryl

You may have a difficult time describing to others how your world is shattered by your accident.  To help you, here’s a clinical description of what that shattered world is about.  Share this with those who love you and who are trying to support you.

Our “world” is a set of assumptions and beliefs that are structures of information stored in the central nervous system.  People who are not touched by this severe event can maintain beliefs that are incompatible with the experience of such a severe accident.  For them, there is a rejection of the severity of the experience or their basic way of being in the world.  For you, however, there are some profound beliefs that have been shattered and will need to be restructured.

  • Safety.  Before the accident, you might have had an assumption about being safe from harm and invulnerable to bad things.  Now, however, you face intrusive thoughts about danger, intense fears about future victimization and panic when faced with any sight, sound, smell, or feeling that your survivor brain (amygdala) associates with the experience.  Molly, a victim of a pedestrian accident couldn’t drive or walk beside the road for two years following her accident.
  • Trust.  You’re ability to trust your own perceptions get unraveled.  You used to believe that you would sense or know when danger is near, but after your experience, that is also shattered.  You may feel confused, overcautious, or paralyzed when you have to make any decisions, since that underlying structure of trust in your own judgment is gone.
  • Power. Your belief in your own capacity to solve problems and meet new challenges can also unravel.  You might have unrealistically high or unrealistically low expectation about personal power.  Without this sense of your own power in place, you might find yourself in patterns of passivity, submission, loss of assertiveness in your life, especially in relationships.  This may be made worse by any physical symptoms from the accident, and since the body-mind is really one system, who can say that the lack of capacity to use your thinking brain (say for calculations or reading) is a result of brain response to the trauma, or a brain response to the accident.
  • Esteem.  Beliefs in your own worth or value can be eroded by the accident with confusion about why you aren’t healing more quickly and why your life seems to be compromised in general, not just the limit from the broken bones.  Some victims conclude that they have an inherent badness about themselves, and that they are somehow responsible for the bad outcome.   This also extends to the beliefs about the worth and true nature of people.  You may find yourself fearful of your spouse or neighbors or anyone who drives a vehicle or lights a fire, simply because your own view of the world has suffered an earthquake.
  • Self-Care.  Here is the place where the shattering is most devastating.  The belief in your own ability to comfort or nurture yourself erodes, and you may find yourself overwhelmingly anxious in the face of demands, fears of being alone or even a feeling of inner deadness.  Sometimes attempts to obtain comfort come through alcohol, pills, excessive spending, or superficial sexual encounters.

As you and those who love you recognize that this shattering of your inner world is a reality, be assured that this inner world can be rebuilt in a way that allows you to feel safe and move forward into a joy filled life.  It will take work on your part and is not an instant fix.  You created that inner world through years and years of experience, and you will build a new one again.

You will heal, in your own time.

Posted in Accidents, Just Stuck, PTSD, Trauma | 3 Comments

Your Shattered Post-Diagnosis World

Posted on December 19, 2011 by sheryl

You may have a difficult time describing to others how your world is shattered by your diagnosis.  To help you, here’s a clinical description of what that shattered world is about.  Share this with those who love you and who are trying to support you.

Our “world” is a set of assumptions and beliefs that are structures of information stored in the central nervous system.  People who are not touched by such terror can maintain beliefs that are incompatible with the experience of a threat of death by cancer.  For them, there is a rejection of the severity of the experience or their basic way of being in the world.  ”I have my faith, and that makes these kinds of experiences less sever.” “Just enjoy the time that you do have”.  For you, however, there are some profound beliefs that have been shattered and will need to be attended to.

  • Safety.  Before the diagnosis, you might have had an assumption about being safe from harm and invulnerable to bad things.  Now, however, you face intrusive thoughts about danger, intense fears about future pain and panic when faced with any sight, sound, smell, or feeling that your survivor brain (amygdala) associates with the experience.  As I said before, just the thought of the room where I was when I got my diagnosis sends me straight to chocolate – my drug of choice.
  • Trust.  You’re ability to trust your own perceptions get unraveled.  You used to believe that you would sense or know when danger is near, but after your experience, that is also shattered.  You may feel confused, overcautious, or paralyzed when you have to make any decisions, since that underlying structure of trust in your own judgment is gone.  You used to know when you were sick, and what to do about that, but this “silent killer” shattered your belief in your own ability to care for yourself.
  • Power. Your belief in your own capacity to solve problems and meet new challenges can also unravel.  You might have unrealistically high or unrealistically low expectation about personal power.  Without this sense of your own power in place, you might find yourself in patterns of passivity, submission, loss of assertiveness in your life, especially in relationships.
  • Esteem.  Beliefs in your own worth or value can be eroded by the diagnosis.  Some patients conclude that they have an inherent badness about themselves, and that they are somehow responsible for the bad outcome.  This also extends to the beliefs about the worth and true nature of people.  You may find yourself fearful of your food, your clothing, anything that might have been the “cause” of your cancer.  All this because your own view of the world has suffered an earthquake.
  • Self-Care.  Here is the place where the shattering is most devastating.  The belief in your own ability to comfort or nurture yourself erodes, and you may find yourself overwhelmingly anxious in the face of demands, fears of being alone or even a feeling of inner deadness.  Sometimes attempts to obtain comfort come through alcohol, pills, excessive spending, or superficial sexual encounters.

As you and those who love you recognize that this shattering of your inner world is a reality, be assured that this inner world can be rebuilt in a way that allows you to feel safe and move forward into a joy filled life.  It will take work on your part and is not an instant fix.  You created that inner world through years and years of experience, and you will build a new one again.

You will heal, in your own time.

Posted in Cancer, Frozen in Fear, Just Stuck, PTSD, Trauma | 1 Comment

Friendly Friday

Posted on December 16, 2011 by sheryl

There are many survivors of trauma, and you can be one of us.

Choosing to heal is in your power.

Choose, just for now

as best you can

That’s all that’s needed.

You can do this.  We believe in you.

 

To your healing, your way, in your own time.

Posted in Cancer, Childhood Abuse, Military/Veterans, Natural Disaster, PTSD, Sexual Assault, Trauma | 2 Comments

Your Shattered Post-Rape World

Posted on December 15, 2011 by sheryl

You may have a difficult time describing to others how your world is shattered by your trauma.  To help you, here’s a clinical description of what that shattered world is about.  Share this with those who love you and who are trying to support you.

Our “world” is a set of assumptions and beliefs that are structures of information stored in the central nervous system.  People who are not touched by victimization can maintain beliefs that are incompatible with the experience of sexual assault.  For them, there is a rejection of the severity of the experience or their basic way of being in the world.  For you, however, there are some profound beliefs that have been shattered and will need to be restructured.

  • Safety.  Before the rape, you might have had an assumption about being safe from harm and invulnerable to bad things.  Now, however, you face intrusive thoughts about danger, intense fears about future victimization and panic when faced with any sight, sound, smell, or feeling that your survivor brain (amygdala) associates with the experience.
  • Trust.  You’re ability to trust your own perceptions get unraveled.  You used to believe that you would sense or know when danger is near, but after your experience, that is also shattered.  You may feel confused, overcautious, or paralyzed when you have to make any decisions, since that underlying structure of trust in your own judgment is gone.
  • Power. Your belief in your own capacity to solve problems and meet new challenges can also unravel.  You might have unrealistically high or unrealistically low expectation about personal power.  Without this sense of your own power in place, you might find yourself in patterns of passivity, submission, loss of assertiveness in your life, especially in relationships.
  • Esteem.  Beliefs in your own worth or value can be eroded by the rape.  Some victims conclude that they have an inherent badness about themselves, and that they are somehow responsible for the bad outcome.  As one victim said, “I just believed there was some flaw in me….I was always convinced I was a horrible person…because of [the perpetrator]”.  This also extends to the beliefs about the worth and true nature of people.  You may find yourself fearful of your spouse or neighbors simply because your own view of the world has suffered an earthquake.
  • Self-Care.  Here is the place where the shattering is most devastating.  The belief in your own ability to comfort or nurture yourself erodes, and you may find yourself overwhelmingly anxious in the face of demands, fears of being alone or even a feeling of inner deadness.  Sometimes attempts to obtain comfort come through alcohol, pills, excessive spending, or superficial sexual encounters.

As you and those who love you recognize that this shattering of your inner world is a reality, be assured that this inner world can be rebuilt in a way that allows you to feel safe and move forward into a joy filled life.  It will take work on your part and is not an instant fix.  You created that inner world through years and years of experience, and you will build a new one again.

You will heal, in your own time.

Posted in Frozen in Fear, PTSD, Sexual Assault, Trauma | Leave a comment