Monthly Archives: January 2012

Finding Safety after the Rape

Posted on January 11, 2012 by sheryl

“Worry is a prayer to bring the worst into your life”
(saying from my daughter-in-law)

The first challenge after an attack is finding safety.  Afterwards, safety certainly does mean keeping your home protected against break-in as well as your car.  It also means creating a schedule and travel pattern that decreases vulnerability to any other attacks.

The biggest challenge comes, not from assuring that you’re physically safe, but helping your mind focus on what is real, rather than on imagined, tragic, futures.  My mind is enormously creative, and can invent a million horrific scenarios that will never happen.

The mind is a monkey on steroids, flitting from one thought to another, and especially following a trauma, that monkey mind can go straight to catastrophe, after sound, a comment, a look, anything that your minds decides represents danger, which is most everything for a while.

Gently bringing that crazy mind back to what is real is like teaching a puppy to sit on a pillow.  When you find yourself traveling around an imagined future, just come back to the present – what colors are around you, what sounds do you hear, what do you smell, what parts of your clothing can you feel on your skin?  Once you’re came, check to see if you are safe right here.  And when that monkey scurries of the pillow, just put it back.  What do you smell now, feel now, hear now, see now?

Here’s to the deepest prayers of your soul to heal, in your own time, in your own way.

Posted in Childhood Abuse, Frozen in Fear, Just Stuck, PTSD, Sexual Assault, Trauma | Leave a comment

Finding Safety after the Accident

Posted on January 10, 2012 by sheryl

“Worry is just a prayer to bring the worst into your life” – saying from my daughter-in-law. 

The first challenge after a trauma is finding safety.  After the accident, safety may mean not driving for a while or careful monitoring the weather reports about another hurricane or earthquake.

The biggest challenge comes, not from assuring that you’re physically safe, but helping your mind focus on what is real, rather than on imagined, tragic, futures.  My mind is enormously creative, and can invent a million horrific scenarios that will never happen.  One of my favorite quote  from Mark Twain is “The reports of my demise have been greatly exaggerated”.

The mind is a monkey on steroids, flitting from one thought to another, and especially following a trauma, that monkey mind can go straight to catastrophe.  Gently bringing that crazy mind back to what is real is like teaching a puppy to sit on a pillow.  When you find yourself traveling around an imagined future, just come back to the present – what colors are around you, what sounds do you hear, what do you smell, what parts of your clothing can you feel on your skin?  And when that monkey scurries of the pillow, just put it back.  What do you smell now, feel now, hear now, see now?

Here’s to the deepest prayers of your soul to heal, in your own time, in your own way.

Posted in Accidents, Frozen in Fear, PTSD, Trauma | Leave a comment

What Matters isn’t Matter at all

Posted on January 9, 2012 by sheryl

I was putting away the Christmas tree decorations yesterday, and musing about which of my children might want those precious items on their tree next year.  I’m currently in the emotional roller coaster ride between a diagnosis of cancer, and a plan of action that I will develop with my medical team.

If you’ve been on this terrifying ride, you know that the mind can create all sorts of “probable” futures, and, of course, the emotional body follows suit.  Hence – “If I’m not here next year, who will want this precious memorabilia?”   I remember that when I got married, my dear mother spent hours typing her favorite recipes to give to me.  She has since passed on and I notice today that the legacy she left has more to do with her laugh and her ability to play than with those recipe cards.

I’m discovering that the precious Christmas decorations are in my life because I like having them in my life, as are many beautiful things that I have around me in my home, in my office, and even in my car.

While this might be the stage of my life when I think about leaving a legacy, what Christmas helped me remember is what matters isn’t the stuff that I love, but the loving itself.  And that I have love, I receive love, I pass on love, and I enjoy the infinite possibilities that are present to live in a sea of love – of course my loyal GoldenDoodle, Sammy reminds me of how to live in that sea.

Trauma’s true gift, when you’re ready, is the re-ordering of what really matters.

Here’s to our healing, in our way, in our own time.

Posted in Cancer, Frozen in Fear, PTSD, Trauma, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Friendly Friday

Posted on January 6, 2012 by sheryl

“It’s better to begin in the evening that not at all” English Proverb

Just for today, remember -

anything you choose to do can begin now  – this very minute.

One doesn’t chose in this minute to scale a mountain;

you only choose to take the next step.

Blessings to you as you climb your healing journey mountain

in your own way

today.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Finding Safety after the Diagnosis

Posted on January 5, 2012 by sheryl

As you  begin your healing journey, and make your decision to heal, the next important step is to find a way to feel safe.  Today, I’ll talk about different types of safety and what that will mean to you as you move forward toward health.

Physical Safety.  This is about a confidence that your body and physical surrounding are safe.  It is also about building confidence in your healing team and their commitment to return you to health.  As a cancer survivor, I know that my feelings of physical safety come and go.  At this moment, with three enlarged lymph nodes bulging on my neck, I have moments of feeling vulnerable and victimized, and also moment of feeling strong, healthy, and invulnerable.  That’s just how life is at this moment.  When the tests come back I’ll find other ways to settle into physical safety.

Mental Safety. This means that you are able to choose belief systems and patterns of thinking and awareness that get you where you want to need to go.  At the beginning of your healing journey, this will consist in finding a person or place you can connect with that has resources and knowledge about your challenges and where you will be able to allow the ideas that you have about your cancer to be said without judgment or pressure.

Emotional Safety.  When you are emotionally safe, you are able to identify how you feel in situations, rely on your own intuition and be able to share with others honestly what you do feel.  Often this emotional safety will be found with a trained professional who understands your struggle to talk about your cancer, holds no judgment about your or your stories, and is able to allow you to reveal to others and to yourself only what is right for you to reveal in any given moment.

Spiritual Safety.  If you have had a spiritual practice, your trauma may challenge those beliefs.  Finding spiritual safety is finding a way to examine those beliefs without judgment or pressure to “keep the faith” or any suggestion that you “drop your faith”.  Healing is also your soul’s journey and it is important to allow that spiritual part of you to recover as well.

When you create a canopy of safety, you will be able to heal in your own time, in your own way.

Posted in Cancer, PTSD, Trauma | 1 Comment

Finding Safety on the Home Front, Step Two

Posted on January 4, 2012 by sheryl

When you are ready to begin your healing journey, and have made the decision to heal, the next important step is to find a way to feel safe.  Today, I’ll talk about different types of safety and what that will mean to you as you move forward toward health.

Physical Safety.  This is about a confidence that your body and physical surrounding are safe.  If your trauma is from a war experience, and you are no longer in combat, physical safety is connected to always bringing yourself into the present, where there aren’t explosions going on around you and there are imminent calls to action.

Mental Safety. This means that you are able to choose belief systems and patterns of thinking and awareness that get you where you want to need to go.  At the beginning of your healing journey, this will consist in finding a person or place you can connect with that has resources and knowledge about your challenges and where you will be able to allow the lost memories to take form without judgment or pressure.  Sometimes, for veterans, this will involve a civilian counselor, someone who may have been a vet, but is no longer in your chain of command and who is not obligated or allowed to disclose any of your memories,

Emotional Safety.  When you are emotionally safe, you are able to identify how you feel in situations, rely on your own intuition and be able to share with others honestly what you do feel.  Often this emotional safety will be found with a trained professional who understands your struggle to talk about your trauma, holds no judgment about your or your stories, and is able to allow you to reveal to others and to yourself only what is right for you to reveal in any given moment.

Spiritual Safety.  If you have had a spiritual practice, your trauma may challenge those beliefs.  Finding spiritual safety is finding a way to examine those beliefs without judgment or pressure to “keep the faith” or any suggestion that you “drop your faith”.  Healing is also your soul’s journey and it is important to allow that spiritual part of you to recover as well.

When you create a canopy of safety, you will be able to heal in your own time, in your own way.

Posted in Military/Veterans, PTSD, Trauma | Leave a comment

Finding Safety after the Disaster, Step Two

Posted on January 3, 2012 by sheryl

When you are ready to begin your healing journey, and have made the decision to heal, the next important step is to find a way to feel safe.  Today, I’ll talk about different types of safety and what that will mean to you as you move forward toward health.

Physical Safety.  This is about a confidence that your body and physical surrounding are safe.  If your trauma is from a natural disaster, getting your shelter and food needs cared for is important, as is confidence that the tornado, earthquake, or flooding is over.  If your trauma is from an accident, you may not be able to be in that situation safely for a while.  So driving, diving, flying, or whatever situation was part of your trauma might not be in your own best interests.  True, if you feel strong, feel stable, “getting right back on that horse” might be a good choice, but only when you feel strong.

Mental Safety.   At the beginning of your healing journey, this will consist in finding a person or place you can connect with that has resources and knowledge about your challenges and where you will be able to allow the memories to take form without judgment or pressure.

Emotional Safety.  When you are emotionally safe, you are able to identify how you feel in situations, rely on your own intuition and be able to share with others honestly what you do feel.  Often this emotional safety will be found with a trained professional who understands your struggle to talk about your trauma, holds no judgment about your or your stories, and is able to allow you to reveal to others and to yourself only what is right for you to reveal in any given moment.  Those who love you, but don’t understand the process of healing from Post Traumatic Stress may not be prepared to allow you to heal in your own time.  Remember that they do love you and have your best interests in mind, but are just not prepared or qualified to provide the emotional safety you need as you begin your journey.

Spiritual Safety.  If you have had a spiritual practice, your trauma may challenge those beliefs.  Finding spiritual safety is finding a way to examine those beliefs without judgment or pressure to “keep the faith” or any suggestion that you “drop your faith”.  Healing is also your soul’s journey and it is important to allow that spiritual part of you to recover as well.

When you create a canopy of safety, you will be able to heal in your own time, in your own way.

 

Posted in Accidents, Natural Disaster, PTSD, Trauma | Leave a comment

Finding Safety after the Rape, Step One

Posted on January 2, 2012 by sheryl

When you are ready to begin your healing journey, and have made the decision to heal, the next important step is to find a way to feel safe.  With other types of trauma, finding safety is step two, after setting your intention to heal.  However, in this situation, where the threat may be ongoing, finding safety if first.

Physical Safety.  This is about a confidence that your body and physical surrounding are safe. If your trauma is from recent sexual abuse, you may have to find your way to a safe house or a way to protect your home from invasion.  While this may be possible logistically, it may be a long hurdle for you to feel safe in an environment where you were attacked.  In this case, it may be useful to change your location, your support people, your daily patterns and your activities.

Mental Safety.  At the beginning of your healing journey, this will consist in finding a person or place you can connect with that has resources and knowledge about your challenges and where you will be able to allow the lost memories to take form without judgment or pressure.

Emotional Safety.  When you are emotionally safe, you are able to identify how you feel in situations, rely on your own intuition and be able to share with others honestly what you do feel.  After the rape, it may be difficult to rely on your own intuition which seems to have failed you, but you can find a way to share honestly what you do feel.  Often this emotional safety will be found with a trained professional who understands your struggle, holds no judgment about your or your stories, and is able to allow you to reveal to others and to yourself only what is right for you to reveal in any given moment.  Many people post-rape swirl into self-blame and guilt about somehow creating the attack by their presence in a specific place, their dress, or even believing the blaming words of their attacker.  Finding a safe place to talk about the attack will be important.

Spiritual Safety.  If you have had a spiritual practice, your trauma will challenge those beliefs.  Finding spiritual safety is finding a way to examine those beliefs without judgment or pressure to “keep the faith” or any suggestion that you “drop your faith”.  Healing is also your soul’s journey and it is important to allow that spiritual part of you to recover as well.

When you create a canopy of safety, you will be able to heal in your own time, in your own way.

Posted in PTSD, Sexual Assault, Trauma | 1 Comment